Learning about race (prompted in no small way by having mixed race daughters myself) has become a passion of mine. Shamefully, I have come to the subject very late and am having to do a lot of unlearning. By unlearning I mean such things as questioning previously accepted assumptions, and trying to see history and reality from another angle to the one I was raised with in the UK. It started with meeting my husband who, while born and raised in France, is originally from Ivory Coast. Becoming part of his family and simply having more conversations about race - the interesting parts, the uncomfortable parts - really opened my eyes. And I realised what a responsibility I had, as a white mother, to be informed and proactive. The colour of my daughters' skin is not an aesthetic; it is something that will shape their lives, and something that has been devalued and made into a disadvantage throughout history’s white narrative. I come from an entirely white family, and grew up in a predominantly white area of England. I literally knew one black man growing up, and the way he stood out - in my home, in my town - was remarkable. His name was Jide. I clearly remember the feeling I had as a child when he shook my hand and I soaked up how different his own were - how dark on top, how light on the palms. And his laugh - I can still hear it! It was as distinctive as his hands. Jide’s unfamiliarity made me curious and somehow more alert. Luckily for me, my family was also extremely open and embracing of diversity, and we had friends from many different backgrounds. Growing up as a Bahá'í certainly had a tremendous impact too, as I was taught such things as: ‘the world of humanity is like a garden and the various races are the flowers which constitute its adornment and decoration’ (‘Abdu’l-Bahá). Community gatherings included every kind of person you can imagine, plus regular visitors from abroad, and I was exposed a lot to Persian culture in particular. But still, I remember only that one black man.
One day Junior, my husband, mentioned Malcolm X. I had never heard of him. Junior honestly couldn't believe it (made worse because he is a true devotee, and even owns a jacket with Malcolm X's face printed across the back!). It is, of course, on the extremely ignorant end of the spectrum of general knowledge, but I too was astounded that after a fair bit of travel, a degree, and a Master's, I had never come across the name. And the truth is, it’s entirely possible. This omission in my education served to remind me of a troubling fact: that, most of the time, unless it is put on to a syllabus somewhere, black history is not considered mainstream enough to be relevant to white people. I started to read more widely. Beginning with fiction. Toni Morrison, Alice Walker, Maya Angelou, Zora Neale Hurston. I read Bahá'í books about the beginnings of the religion on the African continent and amongst African Americans. I moved on to biographies - including, finally, Malcolm X by Alex Haley - and contemporary books about race, like Akala's Natives: Race and Class in the Ruins of the Empire, as well as British fiction from the likes of Zadie Smith. One novel that had a profound impact on me - and my husband and my mother - is about the lives of black youth in London, though written by a white author (Pigeon English by Stephen Kelman). All this was more than an education. It was a reorientation. Like being given new eyes and a new understanding of all that I had previously just nodded at. I started to appreciate what white privilege means, what racism looks like in its subtle forms, and what damage has been done by looking at history and virtually everything else through a white lens. I started to notice the little things, like friends stumbling over their words when talking about someone of colour - should I say black? Brown? Maybe nothing at all? How little representation there is of black children in mainstream media, and how skin products use language like ‘normal to dark’. I realised that tokenism is not the same as representation, and representation isn't the same as inclusion. I also opened my mind to the infinite scope of nuances and distinctions that come from acknowledging that Africa is a continent and not a country: why aren’t we bothering to say Ghanaian or Nigerian? Why do we expect all black people to somehow have a common culture? I will save my ideas about creating appropriate environments for mixed race and black children for ‘part two’, but of course at this point in my re-education I was thinking very carefully about what my girls would need as they grow up. What they truly NEED (not ‘in an ideal world’) in order to be informed and proactive, like I had come to realise I needed to be. And as, in fact, we all need to be if we are to truly eradicate racism from humanity’s narrative. Somewhere along the line I read a powerful article (which I'll link below) that was written by a mother of a black son, addressed to the parents of his white friends. It moved me to tears, and contributed further to my ‘race awakening’. In the article, she urges these white parents to stand up for her son, and to teach their children to stand up for their friend, because we live in a world where that is necessary. Black boys - and girls, but this article focused on the violence and prejudice towards boys - need to be not just accepted, but championed. For it is not simply about equipping children of colour to be confident and proud of themselves, but about educating white children to be their supporters and defenders too. The exact same principle applies to gender: creating new attitudes towards women isn’t dependent on empowering girls only, but on educating boys at the same time. Basically, in order for my mixed race girls to be wholeheartedly accepted and encouraged to succeed, you need to be talking about race with your children. If dolls and crayons representing an array of skin tones are important for me, they're important for you too. This topic is vast. I need to learn more, read more, and write more. My ‘to do’ list is getting longer by the day, and I have yet to truly study the subject of racism by reading works such as White Fragility (Robin Diangelo) and Why I’m No Longer Talking to White People About Race (Reni Eddo-Lodge). But this is a humble starting point: admitting where I was ignorant, trying to remedy that, and then attempting to translate these new realisations into something meaningful for my children. I think it's ok - important even - for those of us who haven't appreciated the problem fully enough, to admit it. It's not enough to be neutral, to be 'accepting' of black people and 'kind' towards them; that won't do away with racism. I now see that the conversation needs to be so much bigger. And it needs to extend beyond what is relevant to our own immediate family. If I had never married Junior, would I have stayed in my white bubble? The likely answer is not really acceptable. Because humanity's wellbeing demands greater consciousness and action from ALL of us. It demands that we all recognise racism even when we are not personally in contact with its most obvious forms, that we educate ourselves and advocate for others. And as with all change, this begins right here, with ourselves, with our words and our actions. To be continued... Resources (a tiny, personal selection of some favourites that helped in my education) Articles A White Mom’s Open Letter ‘To the White Parents of My Black Son’s Friends’ https://www.good.is/articles/white-mother-advocates-for-black-son They Were Raised To Be ‘Colorblind’ - But Now More White Parents Are Learning To Talk About Race https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/on-parenting/they-were-raised-to-be-colorblind--but-now-more-white-parents-are-learning-to-talk-about-race Fiction Toni Morrison: The Bluest Eye Zora Neale Hurston: Their Eyes Were Watching God Alice Walker: The Colour Purple Stephen Kelman: Pigeon English Yea Gyasi - Homecoming Autobiographies/Memoirs Maya Angelou: I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings Michelle Obama: Becoming (As told by Alex Haley): The Autobiography of Malcolm X Bahá'í Books Gayle Morrison: To Move the World: Louis G. Gregory and the Advancement of Racial Unity in America Dorothy Freeman Gilstrap: From Copper to Gold: The Life of Dorothy Baker Violette Nakhjavani: The Great African Safari Contemporary Books on Race Natives: Race and Class in the Ruins of the Empire: Akala Social media Rachel Cargle (African American activist and academic)
12 Comments
Deborah Burnett
10/5/2020 16:30:28
Darling daughter! I think this is a magnificent and honest article and actually so terribly important that you are 'campaigning' for the problem of our ignorance about race to be addressed and the balance to be redressed! I look forward to part 2 and as the grandmother of your two beautiful mixed race daughters I intend to remedy my lack of knowledge so I too can make a difference .....
Reply
Simone Polden
10/5/2020 21:06:39
Such an eye-opening and heartfelt article. Beautiful. Something I haven’t really thought much about xx
Reply
Genevieve
17/5/2020 13:23:46
Thank you Simone Polden 😂
Genevieve
17/5/2020 13:22:59
Thank you Mamaloo!! Much work needs to be done indeed! X
Reply
Beckwell
10/5/2020 23:54:07
So beautifully written and very thought provoking.
Reply
Genevieve
17/5/2020 13:22:28
Thank you so much Beckwell!! Let's keep talking xxxx
Reply
Steven Cleasby
11/5/2020 07:50:12
Dear Gen,
Reply
Genevieve
17/5/2020 13:21:54
Thank you so much for your comments Steven! Yes it is a huge injustice and still very much overlooked by the majority. I've posted another one today ;) much love to you xx
Reply
Jonathan Hill
11/5/2020 13:31:02
Lovely article Gen. It's something that obviously concerns and worries me slightly about my own mixed race son growing up. A friend who also had a much older mixed race son said everyone loves them (mixed race boys) until they become teens at which point the look changes to one of wariness and distrust. I'm sure it won't be as bad as my fears would have it in my worst times but it is something that I worry about and want to prepare him well for.
Reply
Genevieve
17/5/2020 13:20:45
Thanks so much Jonathan! Yes we have a lot to face ahead no doubt. Are you both, seperately, talking about this much with Lucas? Check out my new post from today :)
Reply
11/5/2020 18:20:45
I also recommend Girl, Woman, Other (Bernardine Evaristo) - puts the spotlight on race as well as gender.
Reply
Genevieve
17/5/2020 13:17:27
Thanks so much Bianca! I've heard of it!
Reply
Leave a Reply. |
|